A whirlwind of emotions!
Updated: Nov 12, 2020
Where do I even begin?
It's been two weeks since my last post. I didn't intend it to be this long of a gap, but if you've dealt with mental health issues for a long time, you are probably aware of how paralyzing they can be.
I have felt literally every emotion in the dictionary as of late; sadness, frustration/anger, apathy, numbness, overwhelmed, disappointment, content etc.
Currently, I have been existing with my cup nearly overflowing with this mixed bag of emotions. In other words, it hasn't taken much at all to put me into shit mode!
It has affected:
* My sleep patterns. Going to bed at 5-6 AM after a long night of gaming (an old hobby of mine), therefore not using my CPAP and then the next day getting up at an "adult reasonable time", say 8AM and then repeating...back and forth for several days will mess one up.
* Exercise. If you've read anything about me on my blog, you know that I consider exercise to be a necessity for my mental health. Well, see the former for why that's been an issue.
* Eating for eatings sake. When you're stressed to the max, it's easy to want to sooth the discomfort with someone. One of mine is food.
* Fake news reporting. I've had a very, very difficult time dealing with people who are not doing their homework, regarding Covid. For me, personally, I'm generally accepting of different viewpoints. Though when I can prove something or know others who can prove something is inaccurate and the person STILL is not accepting of it, that's when I become frustrated. I do try to limit my time with social media, though.
* Sickness/inevitable death. Right now, this one is the # 1 stressor for me. No, not for me but the inevitable death of our beloved dog Fiona, who will/would be turning 13 on the 16th of this month. I won't bore you with all the details, as even I can't keep up with all the phone conversations, food changes, portions, and medication we have tried with her. I have never loved a pet more than her, so it's an added emotional stressor on an already emotional time we are all dealing with. For over 8 years, I've been licked countless times by this big personality pekepoo, who only weighs 4.5 pounds. She may be little, but she is a total type A dog! I've loved her, I've been at my wits end with her, and everything in between. She's a fighter, man. Just like our sweet boy Moose, who passed away nearly 6 months ago. I think that's one thing that makes the whole situation more difficult. It's one of the issues that arise when you have two dogs near the same age. Moose was 12.
Fiona
Moose
I'm hopeful that I will get my mental health in a better place as we continue to deal with the pandemic. Thankfully, I've been able to telemedicine for therapy every week and I know I have the support around me that I need. Recently, since it's been nearly a month since my NAMI presentations, I know I need to get back into contact with the coordinator on seeing if anything is in the pipe line. I have plans to sit in on several mental health video conferences coming up mid week and throughout the remainder of the month. Just got to take it all one day at a time.
-Ben