The things you think about...

Edited (September 23) - I decided to remove a section from this blog as I realized it might put certain individuals in an uncomfortable spot. I realized they would likely have no control over the situation anyway. Just wanted to be honest here, so I guess this isn't everything that I've been contemplating. Some things are just better left unsaid and dealt with privately. I didn't even post this blog to my Facebook page as I realized it might be received in poor taste, despite my support of them, as individuals.

The older I've gotten and the more I've turned inside to my mental health, the more I've come to realize I really can't figure out people.

Now the things I mostly think about in the moment aren't something that is new. Rather it's a compilation of observations over a period of time.

This is, I guess, a complaining post, if you want to call it that, but I will end it with some hopeful information. Makes us all feel better in the end (sarcastic roll of eyes).

First off, though, I will start with a big positive. My interview with Med City Beat got published this past Monday. ( You can read the article (click link) under the Testimontials/News section on the homepage). It included myself and a couple other NAMI volunteers who have be gracious enough to share their stories and volunteer their time. Both of the other volunteers have been big supporters of NAMI. Christina gives her time to the office each week and has been working hard at spreading the word about the upcoming NAMI walk. Terry has been with NAMI since the 1990s. It's a small world, but I kind of know his sister, who was an old neighbor of my parents.

Thank you both for what you do. It doesn't go unnoticed!

Ok, thoughts and feelings.

NAMI. I love what they do, but I'm honestly a little concerned with our local chapter. There have been a couple moves happening with staff changing. It naturally makes one wonder what direction they may be going. It happens with any company, I just hope whatever changes the board is looking at, will be a success. Adaptability is essential in today's business world. Hopefully I will get to be a component of working with whomever comes aboard.

I've been meaning (who hasn't said that?) to do my new, storytelling version of my story with mental illness. But I've delayed. I'm struggling with the concept of if anyone REALLY cares.

Case in point: About 2 weeks ago, I sent an email to all those who contributed to the first newsletter about possibly submitting for a September newsletter.

I have not received one response back. My partner told me not to take it personally, but that's easier said than done. The old saying, "No response is a response" is accurate, and very telling. Still, I'm having more and more difficultly with being, what I feel "ignored." I know people are busy. I get that. I truly do if you're reading this. I just would rather someone tell me that they're "non-committal" than nothing at all. It just feels like such a let down after having an entire newsletter (minus my submissions) being written by others, and people I personally know.

No one new has come forward either. I want to inspire others by hearing, reading, and seeing what others deal with when it comes to this stuff.

But I don't want to beg. I think I may have "guilted" others into submitting for the first newsletter. I don't want that. I really just thought more individuals would get behind this.

I'm now debating whether I want to go through with another one and just publish it directly to my website and Facebook page. *Sigh

Speaking of Facebook page, I've been contemplating deactivating it and re-branding it under a different name. I've got 891 follows, but only have a few regulars who engage with what I post. I've ask for opinions and even had created a separate page to share personal information, but that didn't go anywhere.

When you're just starting out, it's incredibly difficult to get people to buy into what you're doing. You can't force them to do so. I just don't know what medium to use to grow. At least that Med City Beat article showed people that I'm more than a fly by night person. I think anyway.

These last 6 months have been the longest 6 months of my life. While my medication seems to have better stabilized my mood swings and have had little side effects, I'm still human.

With all that said, I do feel advocating for mental health is my ideal career choice. Which is why I get frustrated when I feel I don't have the support I need.

Oprah Winfrey and Steve Jobs are household names. But I highly doubt they got to where they are and were (still love my Mac products Steve!) without support/collaboration.

I'm not looking to become as high-profiled as them, but I'm realizing I need help.

I really want to take (as I mentioned in my last blog post) the storytelling platform and figure out how to run with it. As I said before and I will say it again, I'm just a vessel and one person with a diagnosis of mental illness.

Imagine if I could get my community to establish a platform for speaking on mental illness, where not only adults, but teens and young children could speak their thoughts as well. Wouldn't that be something? I don't think that is something that is currently available here.

In order to do that, though, I need more speaking engagements. I hate not being able to do in person, but I got to work with what I can.

This coming week, I have a couple video meetings set up. One is with an entrepreneurial group that works with like-minded people to help them with their business, While I'm not at the "in business" level yet, I hope I can pitch something good to them and we can work together. That meeting is just 24 hours away. I then have another meeting on Wednesday with a well-known mental health facility and will see how I can be of service to them.

Anyways, enough for now.

- Ben