Today is my 90th day of social distancing. Congrats Ben, here is your reward! Just kidding!
Though all the days blend together and seem to move at a faster pace than my previous "normal life", it feels like I've been away from society for 6 months.
I definitely have had many days over the past two weeks where I have not been too productive.
My mental health has really tightened its grip on me. The mind is all over the place, which makes it quite difficult to concentrate. It has been, what was relatively easy decisions, such as going biking, difficult to do.
Mental illness sucks!
Not only are we dealing with a pandemic still, now we have everyone arguing about the term Black Lives Matter and all matters, race-related. Then you top it off with mental health and how it drains the life out of you, which has been lower to begin with since the start.
Needless to say, it's never ending!
I'm not going to mention other things that are affecting my mental well-being as well. That's kind of the way life works. All of a sudden you have 10 different things, coming up to smack you square in the face at once.
I'm sure you or someone you know is dealing with similar issues right now. Really, who isn't? Whether you are a small business or restaurant, trying to navigate re-starting your establishment up or asking yourself if it's REALLY ok to go to that graduation party, where you have no idea how many other people will be showing up and/if who's all going to be masked.
It's a shit show out there.
So, the Will to Keep Pushing. How have I kept or attempted to re-start my engine to continue on?
Being grateful for who and what I have around me. I have my loving partner who has sat down with me on several occasions over the past couple of weeks to understand my frustrations and how we can better communicate, so neither one of us feels like we are being attacked. Yes, you have to get real with this stuff! I have had many long, difficult conversations with others as well on various issues. It's not fun, but one must learn to know when you need help and learn how to compartmentalize your feelings. Having a mental illness can often cloud sound judgement, or for being blunt...CLEAR thinking.
Knowing things will pass. This one is probably harder for many people, including myself. I'm in the thick of all my current issues, but I know a few months, a year down the road I might think back and go, "Why did I make such a big deal out of _____?" That's life. Living in the moment.
What am I learning? For me, it's always about how to better communicate my thoughts and feelings with others. I learn by the outcome of success, but also mistakes.
I have a purpose in life. My main purpose in life is to be a compassionate human being. I know that there are MANY attributes that I can attach to my overall purpose. Ultimately, I get to decide ( in most instances) a direction I will invest in for the day. Having a mental illness, obviously I know it's paramount that I invest in myself EVERY DAY. Now along side that I may invest in the well-being of my partner, my parents, our dogs, an old friend who is going through difficult times, my thoughts/feeling on racism, COVID, or even our yard. Yes, it doesn't have to be a living thing. Well, grass and flowers are indeed living, so close enough! Haha
Investing in my Future. All of the above aspects are part of pushing forward. They help give me the WILL to always be working on myself. Anyone with a mental illness knows it's never linear. It's a constant up and down graph that will give you a headache!
Until next time,